Tomorrow (July 22nd) marks six months since Keith has gone on to a more glorious place. I think about him everyday - missing his sense of humor, kindness, love, care, and wisdom.
Andrea has posted her first blog post and I think it is wonderful! Keith loved writing on his blog and every week when someone would respond with kind words or questions he would say, "I can't believe people actually read that!?!" He was so humble and grateful for the gifts God had given him.
I am delighted that Andrea will continue to post some of Keith's work and more importantly write about her own experiences - it is just what Keith encouraged us all to do: write!
Showing posts with label Keith Miller. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Keith Miller. Show all posts
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Sad Face
I have been doing some major organization around here this last week. Closets, cupboards, rooms... they're no match for me when I'm on a mission. Oh, and watching the show Hoarders is also motivating me to clean house in a major way.
While I was working in the kitchen Blaine was in the guest bedroom, "helping." He had been in there a while and was being pretty quiet so I went to check on him. As I turned the corner to walk back to the guest room I saw my little boy standing in the hall looking as if the dog had just ate his last chocolate donut. He was walking so slowly down the hall towards me, dragging each foot slowly as he moved, with his chin tucked into his chest. All I could see were his long, blond, curly locks and in his hand was a small photo.
M: What's wrong buddy?
B: (No answer.)
M: Blaine, hunni, what's the matter?
He dropped the picture on the ground and pointed to it. It was a photo of Keith which was in the bedroom - this photo:
I got down on one knee and looked at the picture and then back to Blaine. His huge blue eyes welled up with tears and his lip quivered. "Mama, I miss him Keith so much." And then he started to cry.
Of course I didn't stand a chance. I started crying and grabbed my little Mister, holding him tight. I told him how much I missed Keith too. He hugged me and silently cried in my arms. Then as if a light bulb came on, he perked up and said with great excitement, "Mama, Mama! We'll get to see Keith in heaven again someday. God wants to bring us to heaven too. Oh, don't worry Mama."
I agreed and then Tug wanted in on the action so he came over to get some loving from us. Blaine started petting him and said, "Mama, do you think Tug will get to see Keith again too? You think God wants dogs in heaven? Oh, I think he does Mama. Tug - don't you worry, you'll get to see Keith someday again too."
So precious. Love my Mister and missing Keith.
While I was working in the kitchen Blaine was in the guest bedroom, "helping." He had been in there a while and was being pretty quiet so I went to check on him. As I turned the corner to walk back to the guest room I saw my little boy standing in the hall looking as if the dog had just ate his last chocolate donut. He was walking so slowly down the hall towards me, dragging each foot slowly as he moved, with his chin tucked into his chest. All I could see were his long, blond, curly locks and in his hand was a small photo.
M: What's wrong buddy?
B: (No answer.)
M: Blaine, hunni, what's the matter?
He dropped the picture on the ground and pointed to it. It was a photo of Keith which was in the bedroom - this photo:
I got down on one knee and looked at the picture and then back to Blaine. His huge blue eyes welled up with tears and his lip quivered. "Mama, I miss him Keith so much." And then he started to cry.
Of course I didn't stand a chance. I started crying and grabbed my little Mister, holding him tight. I told him how much I missed Keith too. He hugged me and silently cried in my arms. Then as if a light bulb came on, he perked up and said with great excitement, "Mama, Mama! We'll get to see Keith in heaven again someday. God wants to bring us to heaven too. Oh, don't worry Mama."
I agreed and then Tug wanted in on the action so he came over to get some loving from us. Blaine started petting him and said, "Mama, do you think Tug will get to see Keith again too? You think God wants dogs in heaven? Oh, I think he does Mama. Tug - don't you worry, you'll get to see Keith someday again too."
So precious. Love my Mister and missing Keith.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Five (Unrelated) Things
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| Mister on his Birthday, four years ago. |
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| Mister on his 4th birthday with one of his favorite movies: The Land Before Time. |
1. This perfect piece of heaven came to be with us four years ago today. And even though most everyone knows... He came at 2:22 on 2/22. I think "2" should be his favorite number. I'm his mother and my opinion counts.
2.This same perfect piece of heaven has been like a bull in a china shop since his surgery. He's wild. We stopped giving him the Hydrocodone because we think it was making his behavior worse. Poor thing is so upset he can't jump, run, climb, etc...
3. Blaine went to work with me today because we aren't supposed to send him to school for the entire week. When he woke up this morning he decided that he was going to draw a picture for Andrea. I really wish that I would've taken a picture of what he did. He basically drew a head with two eyes and a big smile. Then he drew hair and what looked like a beard and then right under the mouth (but still on the face) he drew a cross. He did all of this on the kitchen floor as we made lunches and cleaned up breakfast so we were watching him and listening to him as he worked.
M: That is such a nice picture Blaine. I think Andrea is going to love it. What's that below the mouth?
B: Mama, that's a cross so Andrea remembers where Keith is.
M: (starting to cry)
B: Mama, do you think it's beautiful?
M: (still crying...)
And then he proceeded to "wrap it" in a pink gift bag with yellow tissue paper. He even decorated the gift bag because he thought Andrea would like that. Then he carried the bag around for the next two hours, patiently waiting to give it to Andrea when we got to work.
And right before pulling up to Andrea's house we had this conversation:
B: Mama, Keith is dead but it's ok because it's natural and it happens to everybody.
M: That's right, but we still miss him. He was really important in our lives and Andrea and his daughters especially really miss him. It's just hard when you lose someone you love because you still want them here even though you know they are in heaven having a big party.
B: But Mama, Keith is still alive in our tummies (for a "tummies" explanation see this post.) Right, Mama, he's in ALL of our tummies, just like God?
M: That's right. He's still here with us in a way and he left us a lot of good things.
B: Mama, don't worry. I made two pictures this morning. One is for Andrea so she remembers Keith and where he is. The other one is for Keith because I love him.
M: Well, Keith's gone so you won't be able to give it to him, but that's really sweet.
B: I KNOW, MAMA! I'm gonna save it and then keep it and when I go to heaven I'm going to give it to him. I think he'd like that.
M: Oh, I do too. In the meantime, why don't you let Andrea have it.
B: Yes, Mama - that is what I was going to suggesting.
M: You mean, that's what you were going to suggest?
B: Yes, that's what I said.
M: Sounds good...
And yes, Andrea loved her gift.
4. Hannah likes to mow the lawn.
5. Hannah really likes frozen blueberries.
The simple things are so beautiful.
Linked with The Extraordinary Ordinary’s “Just Write” Series.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
One Week
A lot can happen in a week.
Last Sunday on the 22nd, Keith went to his eternal Home after a three month battle with pancreatic cancer. We all knew that the day was coming but somehow the gaping hole from Keith's absence has been shocking and the grief is coming in waves at unexpected times.
I have been wondering how I was going to get on the blog and write about this which is why I've waited a week. I guess I still don't know because the words aren't coming.
When we told Blaine that Keith had died he gasped at first and then said, "Awwww. I'm gonna miss Keith." Then about an hour later, after processing, he said with a big smile, "Mama, there isn't any pain in heaven, so Keith is all better! And he gets to be with Jesus now!" He's right. The emails, Facebook comments, calls and people I've talked to have all captured Keith so beautifully in their remarks. You can go here to read a few.
One comment on Facebook that I thought was particularly accurate was this:
And in the five years that I worked for Keith I never stopped marveling at how much he cared for other people. Strangers would call and write every single week asking for Keith's help - and they didn't even know what they needed, they just somehow knew that he would listen to them and love them while they hurt. A man who couldn't stop drinking in the U.K. and was about to lose everything wrote to Keith out of desperation in the middle of the night after finding the website and reading about Keith. Keith immediately responded and offered to talk to the man and over the last year has responded to his emails and calls with compassion and understanding. Countless others have asked for Keith's help and I don't think I ever knew of a situation where the person was turned away. Keith's message was loud and clear: You're problems and mistakes and sin do not make you a bad person. There is a God that loves you and wants to be in relationship with you. Simply put, life is about relationships and love.
John Fischer wrote a great post about Keith. I've included it here.
In the midst of the grief we continued, this past week, to walk with Blaine through his own journey. When he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder last year and started Occupational Therapy we were hopeful that it was the key to a new beginning for him but it wasn't exactly that. Yes, it's helped but it certainly wasn't the key we were looking for. Blaine's O.T. gave us the name of a Behavioral Pediatrician whom she thought could help us. I made an appointment and looked forward to our appointment which was going to be three months out! After several difficult days I called the office crying asking if there had been a cancellation and I heard this: "We have a 10:45 am tomorrow - will that work?" The woman on the line is probably used to dealing with mothers at the end of their rope, so my sobbing didn't phase her. I took the appointment and we saw Dr. Fasci the next day.
To go into the details of the visit would require me to write for about another thirty minutes (and both kids are up from their naps now, so you understand). We were there for two hours (she clearly doesn't see that many patients in a day) and after about and hour and a half of her asking questions, going over Blaine's family history and interacting with him she had no reservations in diagnosing him with ADHD. She told us that we've done everything short of medication to try to remedy the behavioral challenges and that it was time to take this step. We agreed and Blaine's been on Tenex for the last 6 days. After some time on this medicine (based on whether there are improvements or not) she said she'll be able to tell if there is something else going on. Something else, like another mood disorder (which ADHD falls under.) So basically his nervous system is wired different than a neuro-typical kids' and there could be a few different things going on that are causing him to act the way he does. While we breathed a sigh of relief that there is something going on I'm also pretty sad about it. Then I read this on the wall of Blaine's occupational therapy waiting room:
This really resonated with me and I've thought about this piece of writing all weekend. I've spent a good deal of time over the last few years grieving over things Blaine has not been able to do (sports, group activities, birthday parties, relationships) and not looking at the things that make him so special and wonderfully made, perfect in God's sight. So, here we are in Holland. It's unique and beautiful and it's where Blaine is. Exactly where I want to be.
Last Sunday on the 22nd, Keith went to his eternal Home after a three month battle with pancreatic cancer. We all knew that the day was coming but somehow the gaping hole from Keith's absence has been shocking and the grief is coming in waves at unexpected times.
I have been wondering how I was going to get on the blog and write about this which is why I've waited a week. I guess I still don't know because the words aren't coming.
When we told Blaine that Keith had died he gasped at first and then said, "Awwww. I'm gonna miss Keith." Then about an hour later, after processing, he said with a big smile, "Mama, there isn't any pain in heaven, so Keith is all better! And he gets to be with Jesus now!" He's right. The emails, Facebook comments, calls and people I've talked to have all captured Keith so beautifully in their remarks. You can go here to read a few.
One comment on Facebook that I thought was particularly accurate was this:
And in the five years that I worked for Keith I never stopped marveling at how much he cared for other people. Strangers would call and write every single week asking for Keith's help - and they didn't even know what they needed, they just somehow knew that he would listen to them and love them while they hurt. A man who couldn't stop drinking in the U.K. and was about to lose everything wrote to Keith out of desperation in the middle of the night after finding the website and reading about Keith. Keith immediately responded and offered to talk to the man and over the last year has responded to his emails and calls with compassion and understanding. Countless others have asked for Keith's help and I don't think I ever knew of a situation where the person was turned away. Keith's message was loud and clear: You're problems and mistakes and sin do not make you a bad person. There is a God that loves you and wants to be in relationship with you. Simply put, life is about relationships and love.
John Fischer wrote a great post about Keith. I've included it here.
New skins for new wine
The family has lost a true brother.
Today I learned of the passing, Sunday, of Keith Miller, author of the 1965 classic, The Taste of New Wine. He was 84, and a young 84 at that. He was in the midst of creating another project – a rather ambitious one – when he contracted pancreatic cancer. He was, of all things, a truth-teller.
He was one of the first to represent a frankness and honesty about struggling to find a meaningful faith in the face of the more prolific spiritual piety that characterized most Christian leaders in the ’50s and ’60s. Keith didn’t hold back. He wasn’t very careful either and was criticized for what some judged as sacrilege.
Somehow we got through the week though it was quite busy with normal day-to-day business.Keith was one of the honest ones. He didn’t fake anything, so what you saw of the Lord through him was truly the Lord. We will miss him dearly, for though we know he is happy, we are not. There is a great shortage of Christians like him in this world. His passing will leave a hole.
I know all the clichés… he’s with the Lord; he’s happier now; he’s having a great time up there… Well, fine for him, but I’m not. I’m missing his humanity. I’m missing his human perspective. I’m missing the fact that I can call him up and talk to him. Even though I didn’t do that much, I could, and that’s a long ways from knowing that I can’t. He was a fighter, a struggler, and a happy man in the midst of it.
There are so few leaders like him – so few who are willing to tell the whole truth about themselves. Here’s the point for all of us: that’s when you catch the fragrance of Christ on a person – when they are being honest before others and before God. You can’t get it any other way. If someone is hiding, you get the spray-on Christian fragrance, not Christ.
In the midst of the grief we continued, this past week, to walk with Blaine through his own journey. When he was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder last year and started Occupational Therapy we were hopeful that it was the key to a new beginning for him but it wasn't exactly that. Yes, it's helped but it certainly wasn't the key we were looking for. Blaine's O.T. gave us the name of a Behavioral Pediatrician whom she thought could help us. I made an appointment and looked forward to our appointment which was going to be three months out! After several difficult days I called the office crying asking if there had been a cancellation and I heard this: "We have a 10:45 am tomorrow - will that work?" The woman on the line is probably used to dealing with mothers at the end of their rope, so my sobbing didn't phase her. I took the appointment and we saw Dr. Fasci the next day.
To go into the details of the visit would require me to write for about another thirty minutes (and both kids are up from their naps now, so you understand). We were there for two hours (she clearly doesn't see that many patients in a day) and after about and hour and a half of her asking questions, going over Blaine's family history and interacting with him she had no reservations in diagnosing him with ADHD. She told us that we've done everything short of medication to try to remedy the behavioral challenges and that it was time to take this step. We agreed and Blaine's been on Tenex for the last 6 days. After some time on this medicine (based on whether there are improvements or not) she said she'll be able to tell if there is something else going on. Something else, like another mood disorder (which ADHD falls under.) So basically his nervous system is wired different than a neuro-typical kids' and there could be a few different things going on that are causing him to act the way he does. While we breathed a sigh of relief that there is something going on I'm also pretty sad about it. Then I read this on the wall of Blaine's occupational therapy waiting room:
"Welcome to Holland"
By: Emily Pearl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this: When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
This really resonated with me and I've thought about this piece of writing all weekend. I've spent a good deal of time over the last few years grieving over things Blaine has not been able to do (sports, group activities, birthday parties, relationships) and not looking at the things that make him so special and wonderfully made, perfect in God's sight. So, here we are in Holland. It's unique and beautiful and it's where Blaine is. Exactly where I want to be.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Peaceful
I'm at Keith and Andrea's house right now sitting next to Keith. I didn't get to work today because Hannah is home on Fridays and she is not a very good assistant :) Therefore I wasn't able to see Keith so Andrea said I could come sit a while. It's been an honor and blessing to be able to spend this time here recently. It's very peaceful being in this room with him as he drifts in and out of our world.
Andrea reports that Keith has been pretty quiet much of the day with short whispers here and there (to her and to "others"). He has longer periods of sleep and he stares a lot now. He has not said much since I've been here but he did put his hand out for me to hold when Andrea told him I was here. And he said, "Jessica, oh Jessica, are you leaving for good?" I told him I wasn't, that I was staying for good. Then about five minutes later he waved his hand in the air and said cheerfully, "Mornin' God!" It was so precious.
I had a pretty good day with the kids. It was jam packed with errands, appointments and housework. Blaine and I had a nice conversation this afternoon:
M: Blaine, you know what's been hurting on Mama?
B: No, what?
M: My tooth!
B: Oh, Mama - you know why your tooth hurts Mama? When you get older you get rid of your baby teeth and then you get new teeth and then, and then and then.... Mama, you're getting old.
M: Wait, what? Why does my tooth hurt?
B: It means you're old.
I thought it was the wrinkles on my face but it's actually my toothache that makes me old.
Then my son, the negotiator, told me he wasn't going to take a nap because he wasn't tired. I proposed that he "rest" on the couch and he accepted. I told him he had to be quiet and lay down for thirty minutes and then he could get up. After two minutes he said he wanted some quiet music. Then two minutes later he needed to blow his nose. Then two minutes later he wanted to know if thirty minutes had passed. And then...
No, he's not tired at all.
This one just cracks me up...
David has a fishing tournament this Sunday and I have plans to do a little shopping and relaxation tomorrow. Both David and I are completely exhausted and feel stretched to the limit but we're hanging on to God and praying for continued strength and guidance. And right now we're just keeping vigil until Keith departs from our world into the next. Not a lot of space right now to think too much into the future but Keith would want it that way. Living one day at a time - not in the past and not in the future.
Thankful for today.
Andrea reports that Keith has been pretty quiet much of the day with short whispers here and there (to her and to "others"). He has longer periods of sleep and he stares a lot now. He has not said much since I've been here but he did put his hand out for me to hold when Andrea told him I was here. And he said, "Jessica, oh Jessica, are you leaving for good?" I told him I wasn't, that I was staying for good. Then about five minutes later he waved his hand in the air and said cheerfully, "Mornin' God!" It was so precious.
I had a pretty good day with the kids. It was jam packed with errands, appointments and housework. Blaine and I had a nice conversation this afternoon:
M: Blaine, you know what's been hurting on Mama?
B: No, what?
M: My tooth!
B: Oh, Mama - you know why your tooth hurts Mama? When you get older you get rid of your baby teeth and then you get new teeth and then, and then and then.... Mama, you're getting old.
M: Wait, what? Why does my tooth hurt?
B: It means you're old.
I thought it was the wrinkles on my face but it's actually my toothache that makes me old.
Then my son, the negotiator, told me he wasn't going to take a nap because he wasn't tired. I proposed that he "rest" on the couch and he accepted. I told him he had to be quiet and lay down for thirty minutes and then he could get up. After two minutes he said he wanted some quiet music. Then two minutes later he needed to blow his nose. Then two minutes later he wanted to know if thirty minutes had passed. And then...
No, he's not tired at all.
This one just cracks me up...
David has a fishing tournament this Sunday and I have plans to do a little shopping and relaxation tomorrow. Both David and I are completely exhausted and feel stretched to the limit but we're hanging on to God and praying for continued strength and guidance. And right now we're just keeping vigil until Keith departs from our world into the next. Not a lot of space right now to think too much into the future but Keith would want it that way. Living one day at a time - not in the past and not in the future.
Thankful for today.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Yes, etc.
The answer to your question ("Are you Lyons alive over there?") is Yes!
I have been disciplining myself in many areas the last few weeks and unfortunately blogging is not an area that I am worried about, so it's not getting done.
Fact is that this guy:
This girl:
These kids:
And this man:
Are pretty much all we're living and breathing these days.
When we got back from Michigan we found out that there was some fraud activity on our credit card which caused some problems for us and really sentus me into panic mode because the credit card company told us that a lot of organized crime groups are now stealing peoples credit cards, ordering credit reports and then stealing their identities. Awesome. (In our case there were multiple credit reports ordered.) David spent a good amount of time calling the credit bureaus and putting a stop on all new credit inquiries so now anyone that tries to open a new account has to get approval through us first since we get a call that someone is trying to open a card in our name.
Blaine has had an ear infection for nearly 3 weeks now which has taken us to the doctor twice and through two antibiotics. He continues to complain of an earache but this morning I may have discovered the root of some of the problem:
B: Mama, my ear still hurts.
M: Really? Well, we need to go see Dr. Howard if it's not better.
B: Ok.
(Pause)
B: Mama, it doesn't hurt if I don't put my finger in it like this.
(Inserts finger into ear.)
M: Don't stick your finger in your ear. Does it still hurt?
B: MAMA, IT FEELS BETTER!
Part of my new discipline is waking up before 6:00 am so we can both get ready and start lunches and breakfast before the kids get up. We need a solid two hours in the morning and since we both need to be out of the house by about 7:45 this is just what needs to be done. We started something new with Blaine this week (part of the reason we need to get up earlier) - a new excercise routine that is part of his sensory diet - that really takes a lot of time and energy on our part so we have to get everything done in order to do this before school. Not to mention get two kids ready, one of which HATES to put clothes on, brush teeth, hair, etc. By the time we get to work it feels like we've done a full days work already! It was actually a really good week for Mister. The new excercises have been a real hit, he's adjusted well to school this week and he's done pretty well during the morning work period all week.
Hannah has had a runny nose for almost two months now and it's really getting to her. I think both of her tubes have fallen out so now I'm starting to wonder if she has an ear infection. She's been very needy lately and kind of fussy.
She recently started using two and three word phrases. She can't articulate the words so well, but we generally understand what she's saying. Like: "I love you," "Up please," and I realize this is just one word but she's telling us to "Stop!" now which is really funny. We'll be tickling her and she'll be laughing up a storm and then when she's done she'll get all serious and say, "Stop!" You don't mess with with a girl that says "stop" the way she does.
We gave up on the whole no-pacifier thing. She gets it at night and that's it and frankly I'm ok with it. When she understands more clearly we'll just tell her to throw it away or the Easter Bunny won't come. That should work. :)
She continues to use the potty and tells us about 50% of the time when she needs to go. She loves to use the potty and claps for herself with a big smile when she goes. She knows the difference between poo and pee now and can tell us which she has to do. I guess I should put her in underwear sometime soon and really take advantage of her eagerness to use the potty. Good job, Hanny. Mama will catch up one of these days.
And then there is our dear Keith. The pictures above are from when the kids were babies. Keith and Andrea have been with David and I through the most beautiful parts of our life. Our engagement, our marriage, a journey toward healing, the birth of a baby boy, spiritual development, the birth of a baby girl, more spiritual development and the list goes on. I'm working less and less from the Millers now due to our kids' childcare schedule but I feel my work is most important now because I am handling a lot of imporant day-to-day things now that cannot go un-done. A friend sent this to me today because she knows what we're all going through and I thought I would share it. (Thanks Friend :)
Boyd Bailey writes:
Keith has been on oxygen (on and off) for several days now. He is very weak - not able to move from the bed to a wheelchair without assistance now. I don't get to see him very much because of my hours so I think back to the days when he would sit with me, every morning, for an hour or more to talk. When I do get to see him now I just make sure he knows that I love him and that we are all praying for him. I am thankful that in those old days I always gave my full attention to those moments because it is through those times that God was deepening my faith and teaching me about my own sin and weakness. Keith would always say "Now let's just sit down a minute and talk... not that you have a choice since I pay you to listen to me!" We'd laugh and that minute would turn into 60+ minutes. Never a dull moment when you're with Keith, that's for sure. Precious time that was.
Many thanks to those of you that are praying for Keith and Andrea and his family - and us - his adopted family. We don't know when God will call Keith home but I am grateful for his presence in my life. The Holy Spirit worked through him (and still is) in a big way to change my life. Keith has always been transparent, admitting his faults, weakness and sin before anything else. The one thing Keith does best, though, is love others. It doesn't matter if you've known him for 50 years or 5 minutes he always listens, pays attention and offers his kindness and care as if you're the last two people in the world.
We love you Keith Miller.
I have been disciplining myself in many areas the last few weeks and unfortunately blogging is not an area that I am worried about, so it's not getting done.
Fact is that this guy:
This girl:
These kids:
And this man:
 |
| Blaine and Keith in 2008 |
 |
| Blaine and Hannah Grace in 2010 |
Are pretty much all we're living and breathing these days.
When we got back from Michigan we found out that there was some fraud activity on our credit card which caused some problems for us and really sent
Blaine has had an ear infection for nearly 3 weeks now which has taken us to the doctor twice and through two antibiotics. He continues to complain of an earache but this morning I may have discovered the root of some of the problem:
B: Mama, my ear still hurts.
M: Really? Well, we need to go see Dr. Howard if it's not better.
B: Ok.
(Pause)
B: Mama, it doesn't hurt if I don't put my finger in it like this.
(Inserts finger into ear.)
M: Don't stick your finger in your ear. Does it still hurt?
B: MAMA, IT FEELS BETTER!
Part of my new discipline is waking up before 6:00 am so we can both get ready and start lunches and breakfast before the kids get up. We need a solid two hours in the morning and since we both need to be out of the house by about 7:45 this is just what needs to be done. We started something new with Blaine this week (part of the reason we need to get up earlier) - a new excercise routine that is part of his sensory diet - that really takes a lot of time and energy on our part so we have to get everything done in order to do this before school. Not to mention get two kids ready, one of which HATES to put clothes on, brush teeth, hair, etc. By the time we get to work it feels like we've done a full days work already! It was actually a really good week for Mister. The new excercises have been a real hit, he's adjusted well to school this week and he's done pretty well during the morning work period all week.
Hannah has had a runny nose for almost two months now and it's really getting to her. I think both of her tubes have fallen out so now I'm starting to wonder if she has an ear infection. She's been very needy lately and kind of fussy.
She recently started using two and three word phrases. She can't articulate the words so well, but we generally understand what she's saying. Like: "I love you," "Up please," and I realize this is just one word but she's telling us to "Stop!" now which is really funny. We'll be tickling her and she'll be laughing up a storm and then when she's done she'll get all serious and say, "Stop!" You don't mess with with a girl that says "stop" the way she does.
We gave up on the whole no-pacifier thing. She gets it at night and that's it and frankly I'm ok with it. When she understands more clearly we'll just tell her to throw it away or the Easter Bunny won't come. That should work. :)
She continues to use the potty and tells us about 50% of the time when she needs to go. She loves to use the potty and claps for herself with a big smile when she goes. She knows the difference between poo and pee now and can tell us which she has to do. I guess I should put her in underwear sometime soon and really take advantage of her eagerness to use the potty. Good job, Hanny. Mama will catch up one of these days.
And then there is our dear Keith. The pictures above are from when the kids were babies. Keith and Andrea have been with David and I through the most beautiful parts of our life. Our engagement, our marriage, a journey toward healing, the birth of a baby boy, spiritual development, the birth of a baby girl, more spiritual development and the list goes on. I'm working less and less from the Millers now due to our kids' childcare schedule but I feel my work is most important now because I am handling a lot of imporant day-to-day things now that cannot go un-done. A friend sent this to me today because she knows what we're all going through and I thought I would share it. (Thanks Friend :)
Boyd Bailey writes:
"...I have to remember, that this world is not our home. God has us here on a temporary assignment. We are on earth to glorify our Heavenly Father, by doing His will. His will is clear. His passion is to make disciples. However, while we are in the process of making disciples, there is an enemy to contend with. And one of the enemy’s weapons is illness.Illness is painful... and I know it must be most painful for Keith but it is also extremely painful for those that love and care for him, on so many levels.The devil’s strategy is to sideline you from God’s mission by using crippling and even terminal illness as a deterrent and a distraction. But God has a different plan. Because of, not in spite of, your illness is God drawing you and others closer to Christ. You are privileged to glory in the sufferings of Christ. “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8:17). Your great faith in God in the middle of adversity is compelling. Your Savior’s serenity challenges others to look again at this Jesus who is your rock and refuge in the middle of physical imperfection. The elevation of your faith lifts the faith of all those around you. God is drawing you and all those around you to Himself. Dying can be a more powerful witness than living. Therefore, cling to Christ, love Him and praise Him. He is the great physician who will give you the ultimate healing in His time. In the meantime, before you go home, invite many people to join you. They will listen, because you have something they both need and want: peace with God and the peace of God. Illness is painful, but it is not wasted pain, it has an eternal purpose..."
Keith has been on oxygen (on and off) for several days now. He is very weak - not able to move from the bed to a wheelchair without assistance now. I don't get to see him very much because of my hours so I think back to the days when he would sit with me, every morning, for an hour or more to talk. When I do get to see him now I just make sure he knows that I love him and that we are all praying for him. I am thankful that in those old days I always gave my full attention to those moments because it is through those times that God was deepening my faith and teaching me about my own sin and weakness. Keith would always say "Now let's just sit down a minute and talk... not that you have a choice since I pay you to listen to me!" We'd laugh and that minute would turn into 60+ minutes. Never a dull moment when you're with Keith, that's for sure. Precious time that was.
Many thanks to those of you that are praying for Keith and Andrea and his family - and us - his adopted family. We don't know when God will call Keith home but I am grateful for his presence in my life. The Holy Spirit worked through him (and still is) in a big way to change my life. Keith has always been transparent, admitting his faults, weakness and sin before anything else. The one thing Keith does best, though, is love others. It doesn't matter if you've known him for 50 years or 5 minutes he always listens, pays attention and offers his kindness and care as if you're the last two people in the world.
We love you Keith Miller.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Halloween 2011
David has summed up our last month in one carving:
The cutest ladybug in Texas (ok, the world!)
A really scary monster hugging his ladybug sister and we captured it on camera!
We took the kids to the hospital to see Keith tonight. We took him balloons which Blaine told me would "make Keith happy." When I asked him what kind of balloon we should get Keith he thought for a moment and then said, "Dear Jesus, Please take care of Keith." We tried hard to find a balloon with these exact words but H.E.B was all out.
We think Blaine enjoyed handing the candy out more than receiving it.
Hannah's favorite part... hugging her pumpkin.
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| Even the pumpkin caught what we've had over here... |
The cutest ladybug in Texas (ok, the world!)
A really scary monster hugging his ladybug sister and we captured it on camera!
We took the kids to the hospital to see Keith tonight. We took him balloons which Blaine told me would "make Keith happy." When I asked him what kind of balloon we should get Keith he thought for a moment and then said, "Dear Jesus, Please take care of Keith." We tried hard to find a balloon with these exact words but H.E.B was all out.
We think Blaine enjoyed handing the candy out more than receiving it.
Hannah's favorite part... hugging her pumpkin.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Looking Up
Monday, October 24, 2011
Just Waiting
I called the doctor's office today and HG's biopsy results were sitting in his inbox waiting to be reviewed. His nurse assured me that he would call as soon as he got to them. My phone was glued to my hand today but there were no incoming calls from Dr. Siddiqui. I had too much on my plate to remember to call back before 5:00 and so now we wait (again.)
And tomorrow morning at 8:45 am Keith and Andrea will head to the doctor where they will find out the results of Keith's surgery and biopsy from last Friday. I am very hopeful - praying for a miracle that the tumor is benign and he has a long time to live. Until we hear from the doctor there is no new news to report but I did see him this morning and he looked really good. He even had a smile on his face, which was nice to see.
David is back to 100% but as soon as he got well Blaine's system was attacked by this nasty bug going around. He puked in the middle of the night on Saturday and then again on Sunday night, but nothing more than that. We sent him to school today because he hasn't had a fever and he has only complained of a "hurt belly." But then we got the call. The call that we always dread because it means that not only is our Mister sick but one of us is out of work for a few days so we can take care of him. If he gets sick at school (the policy states) he has to go home and he can't come back the next day. The dirty details: he threw up... at the lunch table! Yuck.
Good news is he hasn't been sick at all this afternoon and has all the energy he normally does. He was pretty tired at bedtime though and crashed without a peep.
Hannah woke up at 6:00 am after a solid night's sleep. This sounds good, and sleeping through the night was great, but she actually woke up because she started vomiting. Not a very pleasant way to wake up.
My sweet friend Kari brightened my day last night with a visit and some birthday goodies. She even brought some gifts for the kids which we used today (thank you, Kari) because I was home with them and their viruses :)
And tomorrow morning at 8:45 am Keith and Andrea will head to the doctor where they will find out the results of Keith's surgery and biopsy from last Friday. I am very hopeful - praying for a miracle that the tumor is benign and he has a long time to live. Until we hear from the doctor there is no new news to report but I did see him this morning and he looked really good. He even had a smile on his face, which was nice to see.
David is back to 100% but as soon as he got well Blaine's system was attacked by this nasty bug going around. He puked in the middle of the night on Saturday and then again on Sunday night, but nothing more than that. We sent him to school today because he hasn't had a fever and he has only complained of a "hurt belly." But then we got the call. The call that we always dread because it means that not only is our Mister sick but one of us is out of work for a few days so we can take care of him. If he gets sick at school (the policy states) he has to go home and he can't come back the next day. The dirty details: he threw up... at the lunch table! Yuck.
Good news is he hasn't been sick at all this afternoon and has all the energy he normally does. He was pretty tired at bedtime though and crashed without a peep.
Hannah woke up at 6:00 am after a solid night's sleep. This sounds good, and sleeping through the night was great, but she actually woke up because she started vomiting. Not a very pleasant way to wake up.
My sweet friend Kari brightened my day last night with a visit and some birthday goodies. She even brought some gifts for the kids which we used today (thank you, Kari) because I was home with them and their viruses :)
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| "Friends are like flowers. You get to pick them." SO CUTE! Thanks, Kari :) |
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| Blaine and his "super huge building." |
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| "Mama, take a picture of me with this worm on my face." |
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| My little Ms. Piggy. |
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| Mister hiking the green belt in Austin. |
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| Thanks for the rock, Hanny. |
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday and Friday
The last two days have been emotional, mentally exhausting, and physically challenging.
First, I finally heard from Dr. Siddiqui today and he had nothing to report. HG's biopsy results are not back yet but while I had him on the phone today I pressed him for some more information. On Monday when he met with us after her procedure I asked him if he'd ever seen that kind of infection before. He responded 'yes' and then said nothing else. I brought that up today and just told him that I needed to know if what he'd seen before (that was like this) was life threatening.
His response: "No Ma'am."
No Ma'am. What beautiful words for a mama to hear. He told me it was probably a viral infection that has attached to the mucous membranes in the sigmoid colon. He also said they could be infected immunity cells but that most likely this will be a viral problem and he is confident that the biopsy results will give us answers. We're definitely looking forward to Monday and getting those results.
As far as how she is feeling she seems to be doing well. Her vomiting has subsided and she is sleeping through the night now. I think the GERD medicine is doing its job, so we're grateful for that.
Then, at 1:30 am this morning, I woke up to someone getting very sick... and that someone was my poor husband! He has not been able to keep down any food or water all day today. If he still can't keep anything down tomorrow morning we'll definitely be going to the clinic.
And this next piece of news has really shaken our family up.
A few days ago my boss and our mentor and friend, Keith, started feeling pretty bad. He was having some stomach pain which led him to a variety of doctors and through a variety of tests. I knew all of this was happening but didn't expect what would come next. When I got home from work yesterday my phone rang and it was Keith. I asked what they found out and, very gently and calmly, he explained to me that there was an internal blockage that was causing the stomach discomfort. He went on to tell me that the blockage is the result of the bile duct being squeezed shut because of a tumor that is pressing on it. The tumor happens to be next to his liver and due to its location, it is inoperable.
Keith then went on to tell me a few different things about some business he was going to take care of and asked how I might be able to help during this time. I couldn't and didn't believe that we were actually having that conversation so I didn't respond at first because I didn't really know what was happening or what he was telling me. I slowly began to hyperventilate and said between breaths, "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Are you saying that this... this... is going to... kill you?"
I then heard his tears falling and heard the words, "Yes, that is what I am telling you."
Shock. Disbelief. Sadness. And then more shock. I asked more questions but kept getting the same answer.
This morning I met Keith and Andrea at the hospital where Keith was being prepped for surgery. They went in to drain the backed up bile, insert a stent so that the bile duct can do its job, (despite the pressure from the tumor), and they also took a biopsy of the tumor and the liver. The biopsy results should be back on Monday. Until then Keith will probably remain in the hospital.
When it rains, it pours. But I am grateful that I do not feel despair or overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. In fact, I've been experiencing just the opposite. God's peace and love are the only things that will carry me (and Keith and our family) through this time and despite the total mental and physical exhaustion I am experiencing I have a lot of hope.
First, I finally heard from Dr. Siddiqui today and he had nothing to report. HG's biopsy results are not back yet but while I had him on the phone today I pressed him for some more information. On Monday when he met with us after her procedure I asked him if he'd ever seen that kind of infection before. He responded 'yes' and then said nothing else. I brought that up today and just told him that I needed to know if what he'd seen before (that was like this) was life threatening.
His response: "No Ma'am."
No Ma'am. What beautiful words for a mama to hear. He told me it was probably a viral infection that has attached to the mucous membranes in the sigmoid colon. He also said they could be infected immunity cells but that most likely this will be a viral problem and he is confident that the biopsy results will give us answers. We're definitely looking forward to Monday and getting those results.
As far as how she is feeling she seems to be doing well. Her vomiting has subsided and she is sleeping through the night now. I think the GERD medicine is doing its job, so we're grateful for that.
Then, at 1:30 am this morning, I woke up to someone getting very sick... and that someone was my poor husband! He has not been able to keep down any food or water all day today. If he still can't keep anything down tomorrow morning we'll definitely be going to the clinic.
And this next piece of news has really shaken our family up.
A few days ago my boss and our mentor and friend, Keith, started feeling pretty bad. He was having some stomach pain which led him to a variety of doctors and through a variety of tests. I knew all of this was happening but didn't expect what would come next. When I got home from work yesterday my phone rang and it was Keith. I asked what they found out and, very gently and calmly, he explained to me that there was an internal blockage that was causing the stomach discomfort. He went on to tell me that the blockage is the result of the bile duct being squeezed shut because of a tumor that is pressing on it. The tumor happens to be next to his liver and due to its location, it is inoperable.
Keith then went on to tell me a few different things about some business he was going to take care of and asked how I might be able to help during this time. I couldn't and didn't believe that we were actually having that conversation so I didn't respond at first because I didn't really know what was happening or what he was telling me. I slowly began to hyperventilate and said between breaths, "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Are you saying that this... this... is going to... kill you?"
I then heard his tears falling and heard the words, "Yes, that is what I am telling you."
Shock. Disbelief. Sadness. And then more shock. I asked more questions but kept getting the same answer.
This morning I met Keith and Andrea at the hospital where Keith was being prepped for surgery. They went in to drain the backed up bile, insert a stent so that the bile duct can do its job, (despite the pressure from the tumor), and they also took a biopsy of the tumor and the liver. The biopsy results should be back on Monday. Until then Keith will probably remain in the hospital.
When it rains, it pours. But I am grateful that I do not feel despair or overwhelming feelings of hopelessness. In fact, I've been experiencing just the opposite. God's peace and love are the only things that will carry me (and Keith and our family) through this time and despite the total mental and physical exhaustion I am experiencing I have a lot of hope.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
A Legend
J.Keith Miller - friend, mentor and my boss had a big time last weekend at the Oklahoma University's Legends Alumni game. Keith played basketball at OU for Bruce Drake from 1948 to 1950. He broke his neck in a car accident which ended his basketball career, but his love for the game has never died.
Keith loves all things basketball - including his OU Sooners and the San Antonio Spurs.
Here are a few articles and pictures about Keith's reunion weekend.
Article #1: Click here. There is a short section on Keith at the end.
Article #2: Click here. A recap of the reunion and one mention of Keith.
Photos at this blog are pretty good. My favorite is the one where he is running out on the court smiling.
You were already a legend in my eyes, Keith, and in the eyes of so many others... but now it's official (well, at OU at least :)
Keith loves all things basketball - including his OU Sooners and the San Antonio Spurs.
Here are a few articles and pictures about Keith's reunion weekend.
Article #1: Click here. There is a short section on Keith at the end.
Article #2: Click here. A recap of the reunion and one mention of Keith.
Photos at this blog are pretty good. My favorite is the one where he is running out on the court smiling.
You were already a legend in my eyes, Keith, and in the eyes of so many others... but now it's official (well, at OU at least :)
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Prince and the Princess
Before I left work today Keith came down to my office with a bag of goodies for the kids. He bought both Blaine and Hannah a coloring book, crayons and a crown for Hannah Grace. Of course, I'm still the Queen and Hannah is the Princess (even though Hannah thinks she is the Queen!)
The kids had a great time playing with their coloring books and even Blaine had fun with the crown.
Speaking of the Princess, her new nanny has been a God-send. We're so grateful for Ms. Lisa and the time she's spending with Hannah three days a week. I feel so much better leaving her here with Lisa to play, read, go to the park and swim than I did taking her to work with me - especially now that she is so active and wants to explore the world. It was time time for a change and we can tell Hannah is really happy. Here are some pictures from Ms. Lisa and Hannah's time together.
The kids had a great time playing with their coloring books and even Blaine had fun with the crown.
Speaking of the Princess, her new nanny has been a God-send. We're so grateful for Ms. Lisa and the time she's spending with Hannah three days a week. I feel so much better leaving her here with Lisa to play, read, go to the park and swim than I did taking her to work with me - especially now that she is so active and wants to explore the world. It was time time for a change and we can tell Hannah is really happy. Here are some pictures from Ms. Lisa and Hannah's time together.
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