After the true author of this blog responded to the job posting for Super Wife I somehow convinced her to take it a step further and apply for the position of Super Mom...
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule! and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. Including taking care of and catering to the family dogs.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Without hesitation she responded to the offer and has never looked back. After 9 months of carrying a weight that I can't begin to imagine and giving birth drug free (which greatly assisted me in coming to terms with how tough I am not) she went back to work and took Blaine with her. If you've not spent much one on one time with Blaine there's no grasping the significance of this achievement. Her boss reports excellent job performance which is as astounding to me as witnessing the miracle of childbirth.
See every post from this point down? She did that too, no big deal right? Except for the fact that we have high speed
Internet which performs like dial up. Needless to say she patient, she's gorgeous, brilliant, an architect, teacher of the year in one of the most
under served schools in America, a true artist, a professional sunbather, possibly the most honest person I've ever met, she's an excellent cook and nationally recognized baker, she runs marathons, does yoga, is a advocate for those with special needs, she can make anything fun and she sings (kinda). I could go on, and on, and on...but I’ll spare anyone reading this. If you’re not sold on how truly amazing Jessica is you must not have had the privilege of knowing her personally.
How she does it I may never fully understand, what I do know is that I couldn't be more proud or grateful for the presence of these two people in my life. She’s the kind of mother that all children deserve to have, a loving wife and an incredible person. It is a blessing to do life with her and Blaine and I couldn't imagine being more in love.
