Michigan Girls, Together Again

Late last night I arrived home from my first (ever) girls weekend.  Myself and six other lovely ladies met in San Francisco for some much needed girl time and to love on one very special pregnant mama - Molly.

I met all of these ladies during my Freshman year of college.  All of us (except Megan, who grew up with Molly and also went to Michigan) rushed Pi-Beta-Phi in the fall of 1997.  We spent Freshman year living in our respective dorms and then in the fall of 1998 we all moved in together at 836 Tappan.  Here was where many of us spent the next two years.

Pi-Beta-Phi house.  Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Many of the girls have been able to get together over the years but this is the first time I've been able to attend a getaway.

It wasn't a "Girl's Gone Wild" kind of weekend... though we did reminisce about our years together at Michigan and some (ok, most) of those stories are embarrassing and hilarious to remember.  We noted, on multiple occasions, how we were so glad that there was nothing like Facebook back then and thank God there were not digital cameras.  I/we would be mortified if there were an electronic history of those four years!  It's good that all of our "college" pictures can be stored away in boxes (which I am sure our kids will find someday).  We stayed up past 1:00 am each night talking, laughing, and (of course) playing Rockband on the Wii.  More on that later.

Here is the group that was able to attend this weekend:

Aimee, Elizabeth, Me, Nikki, Melanie, Molly, Megan

Aimee, Molly and Megan all live in San Francisco. Melanie and Elizabeth came from D.C., Nikki from Winston-Salem,  and myself from Austin.  We are missing our buns (friends) from Phoenix and Michigan.  Maybe next time.

We all arrived Friday and were unfortunately greeted by pouring rain and chilly temperatures which continued through Saturday night.  This didn't stop us though.  We saw a lot of the city and ate our way through the weekend.  Saturday started with lunch at Murray Circle Restaurant at Cavallo Point.  We had an amazing meal and I must admit that I did order two meals.  I could not decide between the Dungeness Crab “BLT” and the meatloaf.  I know meatloaf is a weird thing to order but it was "The Special" and it was made from cows that George Lucas personally owns and butchers for his own events.  Who can pass up meatloaf that is connected to Chewbacca?  Actually, now that I think about it, who would want meatloaf that is connected to this guy?  Yikes.

And because I ordered two meals I wasn't able to finish both so we asked the waiter to wrap up my leftovers.  He said he would and took it away.  After a good ten minutes we still hadn't received my "doggie bag" so we asked and the (very pretentious) waiter said (with hands behind his back and nose slightly upturned) "Ah, yes - we have that back in the kitchen.  We don't bring it out because... well... we think that is rather tacky."  Basically he said, "You girls are hillbillies and you're tacky."  Here I am with my "tacky Dungeness Crab."

After lunch we drove around the city a bit, down Lombard Street...

and on to our nail appointment.  Molly, who doesn't know if her bundle of joy ("Baby Kermit") is going to be a boy or a girl had her nails done in pink... and blue!

We finished the night at the house eating (scrumptious bread, cheeses, dips, fruit an such), drinking, and laughing.  Then came more eating (cupcakes), drinking and laughing, and finally we finished the evening by eating (sushi), drinking, and laughing.  Oh, and playing Rockband on the Wii.  We knew we had some serious band members when:

A. Molly broke one of her drumsticks (while playing) during the first song.
B. The semi-professional singer in the group (Liz) put her game face on when she took the microphone.  (She also got really mad at us when we would sing.  Something about our "terrible voices".  Hmmm.)

It is rumored that there is a video of us playing but if that video gets released into the wrong hands we are going to have some very upset band members and those watching will be deeply disturbed.

Melanie and I (if I do say so myself) had the most solid vocal performance of the evening. (Sorry, Liz.)  Here we are feeling the music deep in our souls.  The song: Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi:

Sunday we attended a Baby Sprinkle (a shower for a 2nd time mama) for Molly put on by several of her friends.  The party was very lovely with lots of good food, games (which I would have won but since Liz "traveled the furthest" she got the prize.)  Molly got a lot of great gifts and now she and Jason (and hundreds of other people!) are patiently waiting for that sweet baby to arrive.  She was 37 weeks on Sunday, so any time now.  I was secretly hoping we could all hold this new baby before we left, but it just wasn't time yet.  Soon enough...

And I don't think this would be a complete post for me until I said a few things about Molly and Jason's son, Aidan.  The weekend was very special for me because I was able to experience parts of Aidan's life.  I looked at a lot of pictures of him, heard Molly tell stories of her pregnancy with Aidan and stories about Aidan himself.  I saw where he played and ate and lived his short, but full, life.  And I felt the unmistakable presence of a family's bond and their love for each other while I was there.  It was quite powerful, and of course emotional.  Those hugs that I longed to give to my friend were given and I am very grateful to have had this weekend with Molly and all our girls.

And for our farewell today I am posting a video of "Baby Kermit" waving goodbye.  With his/her right hand he/she waves to us.  But this isn't just any wave... Aidan went with Molly and Jason to this appointment and when Baby Kermit waved, Aidan said something along the lines of "Look - the baby is waving at me!"  That's right darlin' - that baby was waving at you and now you're waving to us from above.

Your life is a blessing to so many, Aidan - even those that never met you.

And now... Baby Kermit:

A Breath of Fresh Air

I had the honor of speaking with my friend Molly last night. I called her this last week and she was busy and to my pleasant surprise she called me back last night.  I've written about Molly several times (here) over the last three months and I've corresponded with her via email and facebook, but I have not had the chance to speak with her in person.

It was like a breath of fresh air to me.  Just hearing her voice was special for me.  After all she's been through she was still able to be fully present on the phone.  I haven't talked to her in years, in person, but I could tell by her tone that she was changed.  She sounded wiser and more grounded, as I suppose any life-changing experience/tragedy does to a person (if they let it) and she was also generous, kind and open.

Her pregnancy is going really well and she is taking very good care of herself.  That was reassuring to hear.  Baby #2 is due on March 13th, just 9 days before Aidan's birthday. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this girl is a fighter.  She loves life (and always has), she's strong and she loves her son with every fiber of her being (something I can relate to).  She is taking each day as it comes because that is how life works - the sun rises and the sun sets despite your circumstances and she seems to know what's important and what to do between those two events.  Sure, there is pain, unbearable at times I'm sure, but Aidan will live on in her heart, mind, and spirit with each passing moment and she recognizes that taking care of herself and Baby #2 is top priority right now.  You are truly an inspiration, Molly. 

I was certain when I talked to her that I was totally going to lost it and bawl through the whole conversation.  Well, I didn't cry the whole time... this wise, kind, generous, and beautiful Mama was eager to hear about my own family and our lives.  I found myself thinking, "how strange that she can communicate with me like this," but like that breath of fresh air, our conversation was cleansing, enjoyable and such a testament to the power of Love.

I recently finished the book Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back.  This book is about a 3 year old boy that made it through an emergency apendectomy but left his body during the surgery and then authenticated the claim by describing what his parents were doing in another part of the hospital while he was being operated on.  He talked of visiting heaven and relayed stories told to him by people he met there whom he had never met in life, sharing events that happened even before he was born.  While it wasn't the best book I've ever read it really helped me picture heaven in a new way, dig deeper into my faith, and more importantly envision Aidan in a place so glorious that it can't be explained in words, but that is perfect nonetheless.  There is even a whole chapter on children called Jesus Really Loves the Children.   This was a good book for me to read during these last few months.

I enjoyed my conversation with Molly so much last night and can't thank her enough for allowing me to share this life with her.  I think about Aidan every single day and will continue to pray for Molly and Jason on a daily basis.

The best news is that I will be going out with several other girlfriends to visit Molly next month and I can't wait!

Lighting a Candle for Aidan

This message popped up on Facebook last week via my friend Molly:

"On Sunday December 12th, at 7pm around the world, family and friends will light candles for one hour to honor and remember children that have died at any age from any cause. Please consider lighting a candle of your own for our little man, who will always remain a bright light in our lives. We love you Aidan!"

This was organized (worldwide) by The Compassionate Friends.  We lit our candle tonight and have been remembering Aidan (here is a link to photos of Aidan and his family.)

Molly, Jason and Aidan are on my mind each day.  Just several days ago I found myself sobbing again for my friend.  I haven't spoke to her directly, but I know the support of their family and friends and prayers from complete strangers (many of you who don't even know Molly and Jason) are providing some comfort to them. 

I found this poem tonight when I was thinking about Aidan.  My prayers and thoughts go out to his family tonight.

Psalm 71:20 (New Living Translation) 
You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. 

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words... and So Much More

When I checked Facebook this morning the first thing that caught my eye was a post by my friend Molly.  It was a link to a photo montage they did to remember their son Aidan and his beautiful life.  You can read about this family's loss here and here.

Since the time of Aidan's departure to Heaven, I have thought about Molly, her husband Jason, and their family daily.  I have prayed for them and to be honest, most days, I have cried with them.  The loss of a child is something that I cannot conceive of.  Not even one fiber of my being can comprehend the grief that they must be enduring, but as a mother, and more specifically the mother of a boy only a month older than Aidan, my empathy is overwhelming.

The girls and I are doing what we can to rally around our dear friend, support her and love her through this time.  From my contact with Molly she is doing as well as one can expect.  I am sure that the grief comes in waves, but with Aidan's little brother or sister growing carefully in Molly's womb, she is being careful to stay healthy.  I know this woman and she's a fighter.  She's not one to back down or let her grief get the best of her.  She's smart and I trust that she's taking care of her mind, body and soul as she faces each day.

So many of you have prayed for this family and almost daily someone asks me "How's your friend?"  And so, it is with Molly's permission that I am posting this photo montage on my blog.  I know that this will help so many of you put a face with a prayer.  Thank you for your support, love and prayers and join me in celebrating the life of a young man that has changed my life for the better, and I've never even met him.  And to my dear friend, Molly -  You are loved so much by so many and if I could hug you right now, I would.  I am praying for your health, joyous memories of your son, and more peace with each new sunrise.

Aidan McCormick Shane 

Why God?

Aidan's obituary was in the newspaper today.  It is beautiful and because I know a lot of you that read this blog are believers, I'd like to ask you to join me in praying for this family right now.

"Aidan McCormick Shane Mar. 22, 2008 - Oct. 2, 2010 Beloved son of Molly and Jason Shane, died suddenly at his home on the morning of October 2, 2010. Born in San Francisco, Aidan lived his whole life at the family's home in the Presidio. He brought absolute joy to everyone whose life he touched. People will remember his bright blue eyes, his beautiful smile, and his infectious laugh. Aside from cuddling with his stuffed dog "Bo" and playing with his toy cars, trucks, and trains, he enjoyed listening to Pearl Jam and the Black Keys and watching Giants baseball and Michigan football. Aidan was very excited when he recently learned that he was going to be a big brother. He will live on in the hearts of his family and friends. Aidan is survived by his parents, Molly and Jason of San Francisco; Grandparents Rick and Phyllis Shane of Simsbury, Connecticut; Grandparents Paul and Susan McCormick of Castle Rock, Colorado; Uncle Adam and Aunt Anna Shane of Chicago, Illinois; Uncle Peter McCormick of San Francisco; Aunt Amy McCormick of Meyers, California; Cousins Connor and Caitlyn Shane of Chicago; Cousin Jack Seitz of Murfreesboro, Tennessee; Great Grandmother Margaret DeRizzo of Schenectady, New York; and many great aunts and uncles and other extended family. A memorial service will be held on October 7, 2010 at 4:00 p.m., at the Presidio Officers' Club, 50 Moraga Avenue in San Francisco. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made in Aidan's name to his school: Marin Day Schools, Laurel Heights Campus, ATTN: Nathalie Larsen, 3333 California Street, #220, San Francisco, CA 94118. "And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky,... A human being that was given to fly."(As printed in the San Francisco Chronicle.)


And Keith's devotional was quite relevant today.  He wrote about believing in Christ during tragic times.  Here is an excerpt:

"...I did not know in that instant whether I believed in Christ or even in God the Father.  I experienced the great emptiness of death, was horrified… and desperately wanted proof and certainty.

But as I saw these things and faced the panic they brought, I also understood again with razor-sharp clarity the deep human meaning of the gospel of Jesus Christ for me:

• “Let not your hearts be troubled…” (John 14:1)
• “I go to prepare a place for you…” (John 14:3)
• “…be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

I saw that I could not capture faith once and for all time and put it in a box for safekeeping.  In the face of death and possible failure in my own life or in the lives of those I love, I could not even know for sure that “God is.”

“What am I going to do?”  I thought, trying not to give in to the wave of desperation I felt was about to break over me.  I had lived with faith for years, and it seemed to be crumbling all around me.  Then I knew.  All I could do to come to terms with my own death was to bet my life that Jesus Christ is “for real” and give Him my whole future.

I wish I could say that has been the only time in my life that I have gone through that cycle of doubt, panic, fear and re-commitment.  But the cycle has occurred in various ways again and again, until it has become evident to me that this Christian Way is not often entered through the lofty door of philosophical reasoning, but through a wager, a bet with fantastic stakes.  Because of what I have seen and heard in my own experience and in the lives of many others across the years, I have bet my life that God is, and that He is the kind of love that walked around in the life and actions of Jesus Christ.  I have wagered that He even loves me and wants me to be related as a child to Him.  And when out of great need, I have made this bet, I have stepped into a new dimension of life—life in which there is hope in history because God is at the end of the road for me and for all of us.

Now, although I still cannot know that God is real, I somehow do know. Even though I cannot prove it to you or even make the bet for you, I can say this: for me, these seem to be the only two alternatives—to live a worry-filled life of frantic hiding from myself and of psychological repression of thoughts about death and meaning, or to face death and life and make this strange gamble of faith that turns me outward toward other people and makes me want to be a loving person.  I can see no other way for me than following Christ."  (Click here to read more.)



I can see no other way as well.

God, I don't know why you took Aidan's life, but I have to have faith that you have a plan and I know that he is with You in the most glorious and beautiful place, protected forever and in your perfect care.  Please bring peace and comfort to his hurting family during this time.

Loss and Grief

This weekend was difficult.

A friend of mine has experienced a tremendous loss.  She and her husband lost their 2 1/2 year old son on Friday night.  He passed away in his sleep.  Nothing more is known at this time.

I had never met this sweet young boy, but if he was anything like the majority of toddlers his age that I know, or anything like my sweet Blaine then I guarantee he was full of joy, happiness, purity, kindness, gentleness, compassion, curiosity, questions, talent, laughter and love.  I met my friend in the fall of 1997 after we both rushed the same sorority - Pi Beta Phi.  She lived across the hall from me my Sophomore year and through our years of undergrad she was always happy, always having a good time and always interested and compassionate towards others.

Her son was their first - she is also pregnant with their second at this time.

The honest to God truth is that my faith was tested this weekend.  You hear, all the time, about children dying.  And just this year I have come face to face with children's deaths in my own life.  First, young 5-year old Julian - whose lifeless body I found at the beginning of the year tossed in the grass near my home.  His father's girlfriend had beat him to death and then tossed him out of her car like he was some piece of garbage.  Dealing with that tragedy was horrendous but I was comforted knowing that God had taken him out of an abusive home where he was surrounded by drugs and pain, both physical and emotional.  It was easy for me to understand why God might remove this young boy from the earth - He saved him.  His death was somehow ok because of his circumstances.

Then there is my friend.  She is in a happy and loving marriage.  They had a healthy and thriving and wonderful little boy.  Big beautiful blue eyes and a smile that could melt any heart.  How could it be?  How could God allow this family to experience such utter horror and pain.  Why, God?

I've asked it over and over again and I've spent the last few days in prayer.  I've asked dozens of people (who have in turn asked dozens of people) for prayer for my friend and her family.  And I come to the only conclusion that there is.  Only God knows why this family is experiencing tragedy right now.  But if anyone knows what they're going through then He does - because he lost his own son.

A family here in Austin (we did not know them but learned of their situation just today) lost their 2 year old, also in his sleep, over a year ago and she has been keeping a blog on their lives.  It was comforting and somewhat healing for me to read because she had 'been there and done that', yet she was able to move on and live her life.  Here is some of what she wrote:

From http://www.jackturpin.blogspot.com/ "I have been saying that there is “no score card for grief” but if there was, I would be amazed at how well I am doing. I am certainly not afraid to have moments where the tears come and they do come…for short periods of time. I have somehow had the fortune to be able to quickly remind myself of how blessed we were and how rich, happy and FUN Jack’s life was (and mine because of it!). It would be easy to grieve what won’t be but in that, I would be wasting all my energy when I could be thinking of how wonderful his life was. Believe it or not, that thought really carries me through the days and makes all of this make a bit more sense and not seem devastating. We know there is a circle of life and Jack’s circle just didn’t have the circumference that we wanted. If we know that we all live and we all die, it is quite simple. It is just unexpected how quickly it was for Jack…but again, to live with such joy is such a gift and there is no doubt that wherever he is, if life does continue on, he is in a great great place! Someone told me “If there is a heaven, Jack certainly took the express train to get there.” Love it!

I have struggled with thinking about “that night.” My mind would go back to the horror, the noises, the disbelief, the people in our house, having to be interviewed separately from Dan with a detective, having to role-play with a doll everything that happened, picturing Jack’s sweet little body laying for hours in our house and watching the EMS workers cry as they left. I wouldn’t say I was obsessing over it but after I learned that Jack had passed away in his sleep, I realized he wasn’t present in the way we know for any of that. What a comforting thought that his life was blissful even to the final minute. What a joy to know he was given a bath by “Doddy!” tucked in kissed and was told “I love you J-Boogie.” Can it really get better than that? That night doesn’t take away from his spirit, his wonderful life, the way he loved and was loved. I am happy to say that each day, I think less and less of that evening.


She speaks so much truth here.  And the only truth that I have left to offer is that with all my heart and soul and with every bit of intellect I have I know, without a doubt, there is a heaven.  I know there is a loving God that has a plan and knows what he is doing, even though I don't understand it.  I know Jack is in heaven and I know that my friends' sweet son is in heaven too.

I know that God has given my children to me for only a short time.  They are gifts from Him.  He has allowed me to be their mother and I am forever grateful and for each day that passes I am more thankful that I was given more time.

Thank you God for Blaine and Hannah and for the rest of the children in our lives.

Please pray for this family.